I kind of like this blogging thing... its like a socially acceptable way to talk to yourself, which, judging from the lack of comments to my posts is apparently the case....


So, in the spirit of talking to myself, here is the latest nonsensical rambling that's been rattling around my head...


Disclaimer: The views expressed by the author are his own and do not necessarily represent the views of The Front Porch ownership or their affiliates, advertisers, or auxillary agencies. Past performance may not be indicative of future results. Your mileage may vary.


One thing that I’ve given up over the past couple of years is the self-assuredness that I used to have, that in hindsight, probably bordered on arrogance. I was so sure that I had all of the answers to life’s most important questions and that those who didn’t believe as I did were to be pitied, converted, or distrusted. I felt sorry for those that hadn’t been born with a knowledge of The Truth™ as I saw it.

As I journeyed a bit farther down my spiritual path, I looked around and saw many people of differing and conflicting belief systems describing a spiritual confirmation of their beliefs that was very similar to the feelings of the spirit that I had always believed confirmed my own beliefs. I’d been taught my whole life to rely on these feelings to confirm the truth to me. Now I had to ask myself how I could be certain that the confirmation I was receiving was more genuine or authentic than the confirming experiences of those of conflicting belief systems. After all, many Catholics believe they’ve received a confirmation of the Holy Spirit that the Catholic Church is the one and only true Christian church. Some evangelicals are so overcome with the spirit that they dance uncontrollably and speak in tongues, as was common in early Mormonism. Some Muslims come to such a conviction of their beliefs that they willingly kill innocents and die themselves for what they believe to be God’s will. Members of each of these groups are convinced that the Spirit of God has confirmed they are following the One True Way that leads back to God. These people seemed to me to be sincerely seeking God. I had to wonder how they could feel ‘the Spirit’ confirm beliefs that were inconsistent with my own, and with each other. Since their ideas conflict, by definition, most of them have to be wrong. So if they were deluding themselves into believing the Holy Ghost had confirmed what they believed, was it not possible I was doing the same? After all, like those of other faiths, I’ve had powerful spiritual experiences in my life that I interpreted as confirmation of my beliefs. If these experiences were the basis of my faith, they suddenly seemed a weak foundation.

In the end, I had to admit that it was possible that these feelings I’d experienced, like those reported by the followers of other belief systems, are not a good determinate of truth. As a result, I’ve come to accept that I can be wrong about things that I’d have bet my life on being right about just a short time earlier. I’ve had to leave the surety that I used to feel behind and expand my search for truth. At the same time, through giving up my position of moral and religious authority, I believe I’ve been able to open myself up to more fully love my fellow man, without judging or classifying them as good or bad, right or wrong. I think I have grown in meaningful ways. I believe I’m better able to appreciate all people, and accept them as they are without trying to convert them to my ‘one true’ belief system. For the most part, I’m better able to see people of various beliefs as seekers just like me, on a spiritual journey, trying to be a little bit better today than they were yesterday.

My journey so far has at times been extremely painful, disorienting, and also exhilarating. Sometimes I truly miss the feeling of having all the answers. But more often I’m grateful for the growth I’ve experienced. For the peace in my heart. And for the spiritual journey I’m sharing with my wife.

---Barry