EXPECTATIONS

I know I have unrealistic expectations sometimes-okay, well, a lot of times. I really, really hope that Tanner can find his 'thing'. I don't know if this is just me imposing my own fragile and constantly teetering self-confidence on him, but I feel he has a hard time finding his place. Middle school is an awkward time for everyone I think, but it seems especially difficult for Tanner. He just doesn't fit any kind of stereotype. And, this is why I love him so much, but unfortunately, this is not viewed as a positive in middle school. Everyone is trying to be different just like everyone else and if you don't have that brand of identifiable uniqueness, then you get easily discounted.

Don't misunderstand, Tanner doesn't get picked on every day or anything. He does have a group of friends he hangs out with. He socializes , has kids he eats lunch with, has several groups he is a member of, but he just doesn't seem to have really found anyone or any niche that he really fits in. The kid is insanely smart and thinks like an adult in a lot of ways. Again, this kind of works against him. Fitting in a group setting doesn't seem to come natural for him. These are such formative years and seem to linger with us even into adulthood, I just want them to be positive for him. I am sure my anxiety about the whole thing doesn't help the situation. I envy Barry for his ability to not sweat the small stuff. He can say in one sentence what takes me 30 minutes of anxiety ridden rambling to get across. Consequently, his words seem to carry more weight than mine.

Which is okay because I tell you, at this point in my parenting career, I feel lost. I need that What Color is my Parenting Parachute guidebook. I used to feel like a pretty good parent. Sure in my decision making. Confident in my choices of when to discipline, what to let go, when to just listen and when to teach. Now, I am totally lost. I feel like I have to defer to Barry even about the smallest of things. I am constantly texting my poor husband at work-here's the situation, what should I do? It's pathetic really.

Lucky for Tanner, his confidence is on a more solid foundation than mine ever was, but I still think it gets to him once in while. He knows how the social politics work in middle school. He sees that his younger brother has more friends than him and quantity does matter folks. It just does. I know its hard for him when he calls his one go-to buddy and he can't hang. Parker has about a dozen "back ups" if his first one doesn't work out.

So far, Tanner really does seem to take everything in stride. Doesn't seem very bothered by it. Keeps in touch via texting with a few friends he met over the summer. He really is super easy going, very unjudgemental and accepting, and just wants to have fun. Yeah, he can act pretty dorky sometimes, but it sure seems to me like ALL 6-8th grade boys act dorky-as well as the girls. I can barely stand to be in the room with them sometimes. I am SURE I never acted like that much of an idiot.

Anyway, this is why I really, really, really hope that he sticks with either Lacrosse or Tennis and one or both works out for him. I figure this will give him a group he can call his own, right? He is such a good kid, a great kid, an excellent kid. I want for him what we all want for ourselves and our kids-to be happy.